If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
