Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
