this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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