His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
