If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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