At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
