i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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