We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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