The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
