I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
