You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
