That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
