My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
