It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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