The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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