There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
