I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
