I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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