He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
