sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
