LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
