I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
