I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
