I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
