where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
