so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
