Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
