I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
