he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
