Who did Billy Mays play for?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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