im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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