i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
