Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
