Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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