So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
