the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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