I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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