i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
