At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
