swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
