38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Welp...herpes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
