he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
