Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
