My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
