do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
