I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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