i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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