she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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