I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
