Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
