how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
