This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
