He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He passed out mid-signature
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
