U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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